If You Write To Us, You'll Only Bolster Our Ego...

Although we do enjoy receiving spam, re: penis enlargements and, for some reason, mortgages (Note to Carlo: Stop sending us this shit! 4% down is not good enough!), we would also like to hear from our many -- hi, Mom! -- readers. Please send all queries, hatemail, etc., to the bulbous address, tristramshandygentleman at gmail.com.

Yeah, we were surprised it wasn't taken, too.