The Return of the One-Eye

The Editors:


It’s worth noting that the pressure is now on the Republicans to remove the President’s cock from their mouths, and try to determine, as best they can, whose name is in the top box of the US government’s organizational chart. Again, while this issue is not specifically addressed in the Constitution, I believe that the division of labor is equally clear: every man or woman of voting age is responsible for ensuring that, if having the President’s cock in their mouth is preventing them from understanding what sorts of things rely on the ability of the President to execute policy (President-type things) and what sorts of things rely on the ability of unspecified members of powerless political parties to broadcast the emotion of unhappiness to the second balcony (the Tony Awards), they either A) remove the President’s cock from their mouths until they have straightened this issue out, or B) removing themselves from voting and political advocacy completely. I recall that, until quite recently, Republicans were diligent to a fault when it came to ensuring that the President’s cock remained outside of his supporters’ mouths for the duration of his Presidency; and, indeed, for a solid decade before his inauguration. I hope that, in expressing my sincere disappointment that Republicans have abandoned this (real or imagined) principle in their headlong rush to suck on the President’s cock until their oxygen-starved brains are incapable of understanding even the broadest outlines of how American democracy functions, I do not give the appearance of delighting in this latest example of President’s cock-sucking. For I assure you: I delight in it not at all.


(Also, I apologize for the frequent mentions of the President’s cock being in people’s mouths throughout the course of this post. I appreciate that some readers may be offended by such strong language, and that some readers may be tempted to disregard the point I am trying to get across (that the President of the United States is the President of the United States) because of the frank and graphic depictions of Presidential cock-sucking throughout. I am completely sympathetic to these concerns; however, please understand that I have tried to balance the seriousness of these issues of Presidential authority with the importance of taking the President’s cock out of your mouth every now and again. While I would not be so immodest as to suggest that I have struck this balance perfectly, I believe that history will judge that I have walked this fine line with at least as much care as the Starr Report, and at far less cost to the American taxpayer.)